Lostin2007's Blog

First i wanted to thank everyone who has been commenting and showing their support. It really means alot to me. It has given me that extra boost when i'm feeling low. Everyone is so great. I just wanted to say that i am always here for you too. *hugs*

This will be a short post because i'm tired. Work wasn't that bad today. I pretty much stayed away from the co-worker that yelled/snapped at me. I was bad today. I didn't get my water in at all. I think i'm getting this cold that is going around and just didn't feel like drinking it today. Tomorrow is another day and i will get my water in tomorrow. :) I did do 10 more leg lifts tonight. :)

I"m off to sleep.

Random rambling thoughts 

Have you ever just sat here and stared at the page not knowing what to say because you have so much on your mind that you don't know where to start? Well i'm having one of those times.

I really don't want to work  tomorrow (Wednesday) because another co-worker is there. I'm just dreading it. Last week he snapped or more like yelled at me for wanting to help a customer and i had to go take a break because i was crying.  Now normally i'm not one of those people that cry easily if someone snaps at me. But you know lately with everything that i have on my mind, it doesn't take much to make me cry.

Now i have improved. I'm not crying everyday like i was but i'm still close to tears everyday, which means it doesn't take much to trigger them. It has been better since i quit my 2nd job and have had free time. Also blogging here has helped me too, just having the extra support helps. I've also realized that i can't pay some of my creditors and i didn't get this way because i was irresponsible. I got this way because i was trying to better my life by going back to school. Now i still feel guilty about it and i'm not sure why probably because i haven't ever been like this before. I think it's really bothering me now is because i'm going to have to make an appointment with a lawyer in the next couple of weeks and it's going to be really hard.

The good news is that I am enjoying my free time and seeing frie nds and family more. That is the most important thing to me now. Now that i've decided that the "teary" days are getting less and less because i have to do what i have to do to enjoy life. Also my feet haven't been hurting as bad. I think a few more weeks and they will be back to normal. Wooohooo!  

I've been really good and been drinking my water everyday. (24 ounces) I've also tried to eat at least 1 vegetable a day. I'm still working on that one so it isn't happening everyday yet. I also did some leg lifts the other day. I have muscles that are hurting that i didn't even know i had. lol I'm hoping to start excerising this weekend in my dad's exercise room. I really want to and since my feet don't hurt as bad, i should be good to go.

I think that's all the random rambling thoughts i have for now. :)

Today was another lazy day, kind of.  Nothing exciting happened.

I went over to my Dad's for about an hour or two just to visit. Then i came home and cleaned up the living room. WOW! I found stuff in drawers from 2005. I didn't even know that i still had it. I only got half of the living room cleaned but it looks so much better already. The other half of the living room are boxes. I just need to go through them and see if i want to keep the stuff or get rid of it and repack the rest. I got tired before i got to the boxes part. The good news all of the paperwork is done! woohooo!

The reason i have boxes in my living room is because i just moved where i am in September and never really had a chance to unpack. I've lived in this same town off and on since i was in high school and i don't really care for it. I figure if i can get boxes repacked it will make moving easier. I would like to move closer to a city that has places you can go when you want. Right  now the town i live in everything shuts down at like 5pm. Also i would like to move whereever i can find a job which will probably be in a bigger city or a bigger town. This town is a tourist town and they don't have the job stability that i need.  

I'm sure i just rambled on and not sure if i made any sense at all. I'm just writing my plan out.

I sat around most of the evening and listened to music. Overall it was a good day. Tonight i had hot chocolate for a little treat because it is cold outside. Now i think i'm off to sleep because i am getting really tired and i have to work 10 hours tomorrow.

Hope my rambling wasn't too confusing.

My beautiful gorgeous Feisty. She is my favorite love.

One word. No explanation.

1. Yourself: Caring

2. Your partner: nonexistent

3. Your hair: brown

4. Your mother: new

5. Your father: awesome

6. Your favorite item: Feisty

7. Your dream last night: scary

8. Your favorite drink: coke

9. Your dream car:  jeep

10. The room you are in: living

11. Your ex: liar

12. Your fear: failure

13. What you want to be in 10 years: happy

14. Who you hung out with last night: family

15. What you're not: satisified

16. Muffins: chocolate

17: One of your wish list items:  happiness

18: Time:  short

19. The last thing you did: post

20. What you are wearing: pajamas

21. Your favorite weather: hot

22. Your favorite book:  motivating

23. The last thing you ate: cheese

24. Your life:  lost

25. Your mood: great

26. Your best friend: awesome

27. What you're thinking about right now: dreams

28. Your car:  ford

29. What you are doing at the moment: posting

30. Your summer: humid

31. Your relationship status: single

32. What is on your TV: movie

33. What is the weather like: cold

34. When was the last time you laughed: tonight 

 

I'm not sure who to tag since most of the people i know have already filled this out. So if you stumble across this, feel free to post your own answers.

Today i did as little as possible and it was great!

I sat around most of the day and played on the computer. I watched the Casino Royale movie again. I also cleaned up a pile of paperwork, only a dozen more piles to go. lol

So it was a great day. :)

So Friday was my first day that i didn't have to work a 2nd job. It feels so good to be able to do what i want. I'm free! wooohoooo

I feel great! (except for my feet) I went to Target and bought some odds and ends with a gift card, so it was free stuff. Then i went to a shoe store and bought some comfy sketchers. They are pretty and so comfy. When i was trying them on i could tell a difference already. We'll see how they do this coming week when i have to work my 10 hour days. I don't mind the 10 hour days because i only have to work 4 days then.  Then i went to the grocery store and got groceries. I also did laundry tonight.

I know nothing too exciting. It was my first night of freedom. I didn't really spend much time resting today though. That is something that i really need to focus on for Saturday and Sunday. I need to give my body time to rest. :) That's why i did all of my errand running on Friday so i could rest the rest of the weekend.

I'm not really sure if i'm rambling. I'm getting really tired and wanted to make sure i posted about my first day of freedom. I didn't exercise today either unless you count walking all over Target and the grocery store.

I did watch a good movie. It is Casino Royale, a James Bond movie. If you aren't a James Bond fan i wouldn't watch it. I thought it was good and would watch it again, so you should check it out.

That's all for now, i'm off to sleep. :)

I just realized i haven't written here since Sunday. I know that wasn't very long ago since this is Wednesday but it feels like forever.

One more day at my regular job and i'm free. I'M OFF FRIDAY, SATURDAY AND SUNDAY! WOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! A 3 day weekend...i haven't that many days off in forever. I can't wait!

My feet have been hurting so bad. I think it's because of standing on them and working so many hours. So i don't plan on doing much this weekend. I've been soaking them and putting them on a heating pad every night. It has helped some and hopefully the time off will help too. I think i might go get new shoes this weekend, that could be causing some of the pain. They are worn out.

I"ve been drinking 24 ounces of water everyday. woohooooooooo!  My next thing is to add a little bit of exercise. My dad has a exercise room in his house, so it would be free to use. It depends on how my feet feel. Although i might tough it out to exercise. I know my weight isn't helping my feet at all and i really want to get started with the exercise.

That's all for now. I'm off to sweet dreams.

I'm down to 1 job! wooohooo!

My plan-

I just decided that life is too short to spend life working 2 jobs. Now i'm sure there are a few people who won't agree with what i'm doing or what i will be doing, but you know what, it's my life. I have to worry about what will make me happy.

I haven't been able to pay my credit card bills for a few months now. But I'm tired of having migraines from stress, tired of feet hurting 24 hours a day 7 days a week, i've been depressed, so low that i have no idea how to get out of it. Working 2 jobs hasn't helped me any, in fact it made me further into debt because i was charging the gas to get back and forth. I don't have to tell how much i'm in debt but just so you get where i'm coming from, i'm $35,000 in credit cards and $35,000 in student loans, yep that's a total of  $70,000 in debt. I got this far in debt mainly from going back to school, which i have no regret about doing. I'm glad i went back to school and got my degree. So in the next few weeks, i will probably be contacting a lawyer about bankruptcy. That is when i have the money to pay the lawyer.

I'm not asking people to agree with me. I'm guess i'm just venting. I feel so much better already knowing that i dont' have to work 2 jobs. I've consulted alot of people and have asked their opinions. Almost all of them agree with me. I'm fighting a losing battle.

Again i have thought about this for a long time. I want to take time to spend with family and friends, find myself, find a new career, and get healthy. I don't want to wake up when i'm 50 going oh 1 more year of working 2 jobs and i'm no better off. Maybe that's a little far-fetched, no one knows but i have to do something.

So to end this on a happier note. I'M FREE!!  I only have to work 1 job and this is the happiest i've been in a long time. :)

WOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOO I'M FREE!!!!

*dances around the room* I'm free

Yep tonight was my last night at my 2nd job. It feels so good to say i only work 1 job now. I won't know what to do with myself now. Don't worry i will still work my 40 hours for my other job.

My last day was on NATIONAL CHEESE DAY! I celebrated it by have some Colby cheese at home and then when i went to work i had American cheese slices.

Now hopefully my feet will stop hurting all the time. They have to since i'm not standing on them all the time. *cheers* i'm eating a piece of cheese and drinking a wine cooler to celebrate*

a few more things to do and i'm off to sleep. :)

 

Wooohooooo!! I am almost FREE!  On Thursday i called my part-time job and gave them verbal notice that i was quitting and my last day would be on Saturday the 27th, unless they wanted to give the hours to other people. So i went into work today and guess what! yep i only have to work tomorrow night and i'm FREE! I don't have to work next weekend at my second job, i won't have a second job after tomorrow night. wooohoooo

I am so excited! I will be able to rest my feet (hopefully they'll stop hurting), i will be able to do whatever i want with my days off from my first job. wooohoo! When i saw the schedule for next week, i wanted to start dancing but i didn't. I'm going to be freeeeeeeeeee! wooohooo.

6 more hours left of the part-time job, i'll post tomorrow night and let you know i'm free. I know i will be excited. :)

 

Nothing too exciting, just my daily life 

Yep my feet still hurt. :(  I just took some ibuprofen to help with the pain. It's ok though the countdown is on! :) I can't wait! Then i should find a hot tub and just sit there for hours.  I'm going to try to call my part-time job and give them a verbal notice. Then when i go into work i will give them a written notice. Most of the time the managers don't work the weekends when i work. I'm hoping they will just say oh just make this your last weekend. Although i could use the money from next weekend but at this point i wouldn't mind not working.

I have been in a much better mood since deciding to quit my other job. I haven't cried all week! woohooo! (compared to last week)

I drank my 24 ounces of water today and i had broccoli for dinner. I also had a grilled cheese sandwhich. It was so good (made with 3 slices of Kraft American cheese). I love cheese! :)

Oh yeah i just realized i will get to watch the Superbowl! woohooo! I didn't get to watch it last year. I actually like football and understand it. I would always drive my dad nuts and ask him questions when i was little. What's an interception? Why did he do that? etc. My dad would put up with it for a few plays and then would be like wait until commercial. lol I remember when the Chicago Bears did the Superbowl Shuffle. I'm not sure how old i was but i remember my dad rooting for the bears. So yeah i'm a bears girl all the way!

So nothing too exciting today, just a normal day. :)

 

 

 

 

I don't really have much to say tonight. This is more of a venting session.

My feet hurt so bad. They hurt all of the time. Both of my jobs require me to stand on my feet all day long. I'm tired of them hurting all the time. I think i'm going to give my notice this weekend. I can't wait! To actually be able to rest and relax, and eat better and to sleep. Oh i'll still work my regular 40 hour job, i will just give up my 20-25 hour part-time job.

I'll keep you posted on that. :)

That's all i really wanted to vent about tonight.  On the good side of things, i've drank 24 ounces of water every day since sunday. wooohoo :)

Today was a good day for the most part. It started off with a migraine but i was able to catch it with medicine so it went away fairly quickly, about 2 hours. I cleaned the kitchen up, it is spotless. My next project is to tackle the living room. It is a complete disaster. I need to go through things and decide what i want and what i want to give away and repack stuff. That way whenever or wherever i decide to move i will be able to easier.

As of right now i don't plan on moving that far away. Maybe an hour or so away to the bigger city. It has better jobs than where i'm living now. Whenever i find a new job but that is farther down the road.

I just got done watching 2 movies. I cried watching both of them lol. I'm too sensitive. I watched The World's Fastest Indian. It was a really good movie. If you haven't watched it, you really should. It is based on a true story.

The second movie was Click. It was a really good movie too. It really wasn't a typical Adam Sandler movie. To me the movie was about real life. You know you can pick work over family and friends and what are you left with at the end? Work. It's kind of what i've been doing working 70 hour work weeks to make a dent in debt that i'm drowning in and not enjoying life. To me i'm starting to see the value of friends and family. Yes i want to do something with my life so i don't have to struggle but at the same time i don't want to sacrifice that time ever again. I'm not sure if that makes any sense but that is what i got out of the movie.

So if you want 2 good movies, you should definitely give these a try.

Overall it was a good day. I treated myself today. I got myself a Jones cream soda. yummmmmmy. It was so good.  :)

Today was a pretty good day. I went to work for 4 hours. It was basically a waste of time but it was easy money. Then i went to walmart to stock up on some groceries, which was basically free because i had a gift card. wooohooooo! The groceries were frozen pizzas (you know the totino's cheap ones that cost $1 a piece), a few hot pockets, some cheese, and some lunch meat. I know that isn't really healthy food but it's cheap and it is easy to fix.

Then i went to my dad's house for a few minutes and got free pizza. It was so good. Then i went and did laundry. Now i just got done baking brownies and watched a movie. So basically most of the evening was spent on making me happy. :)

So nothing too exciting happened except i was in a great mood all day long.   

freaky day.....

I went to the doctor the other day and got some medicine to help me get through the tough times, so i wouldn't cry so much. OH MY GOSH! I felt like i had been drinking when i took it and i wasn't drinking. I was scared to drive to work because i felt so out of it. I AM NEVER TAKING THAT STUFF AGAIN!! I'm still freaked out by it.

I would rather cry than take that stuff. I know that sounds bad but that's how out of it i felt. So that means i might be venting on here some more. I just don't want you to think that all i ever do is cry. I'm just going through some tough times right now. I also wanted to thank everyone for stopping by and commenting. Believe it or not, it has helped alot to know that you care and are there. Thank you.

I will have to write more tomorrow or should i say later today. I'm still up at 4am but i didn't get off work until 130am. That's my second job. I'm only scheduled 4pm-8pm. woohoo I really hope that i dont' have to work any longer than that. I could use the extra money but i'm so over working the 2 jobs. that i will take the shorter hours.  I guess i should get some sleep.

Things are going to get better. I know they will. :)

 

I am so tired, so tired that i can't relax enough to sleep. I know that probably doesn't make any sense. I only got 3 hours of sleep. Oh i went to bed early enough to get 7, but i only got 3. I laid awake most of the night. I need to decide when i want to quit my 2nd job. I'm thinking the last weekend of the month but i'm not sure. I may wait until after the first weekend of Feb. but i don't know if i want to do that either. I don't think my feet will tolerate an extra weekend. I would write more but i'm feel like i'm going to fall asleep right here.

Today was an okay day. I didn't cry all day long. That's a major improvement over the last week. Although there were a few times i wanted to. Like when the creditors were leaving messages on my cell phone. From a previous post, I can't afford to pay my credit card bills. I feel really guilty about it, because i've never been that way before. I've always paid on time. So not to be able to pay them well it's hard to admit. And that is with working 2 jobs (70 hours a week). :( That is the major reason why i'm so depressed. I don't want to talk about it anymore because i'm getting teary-eyed. I will talk more about how i got into that situation and what i'm doing about it later on. I just can't right now. The good news today is I drank 24 ounces of water. I'm trying to drink water everyday. It's part of my new year's resolution. Not to mention, water is good for you. wooohooo go me!

Today was a blah day. It was hard for me to concentrate on anything at work and we were very busy. I'm just down and i can't seem to get out of it. I feel like i'm at a bottom of the swimming pool and can't swim to the top. If that makes any sense. My goal is to quit working 2 jobs by the end of this month. I will have a little bit of money saved up and i know it will help my state of mind. I know that is some of it. I'm always tired and never have time to do anhything. So there is hope, i just have to tough it out.

Today was a little better because i only cried a little. I went to a family birthday party and it was ok. I did have fun watching the 4 year old unwrap his gifts. Little kids always say the cutest things that can put a smile on everyone's face. I did talk to my dad for a little bit. I don't think he knows what to say or understands totally what i'm going through. I'm not sure which one it is and maybe it's both. I told him that i just felt so lost (while crying) and he tells me to just be myself. The only problem with that is i don't know who i am. So to keep my mind busy (that's when i get really down because i start thinking) I watched some movies. The first movie was a comedy Little Miss Sunshine. It was funny in a weird kind of way. The next movie I watched and really liked it was The Devil wears Prada. It was a good movie.

I have so much on my mind but have no idea what i want to say. It's been a crappy week for me. I think I've spent half of it in tears. I'm depressed and my life is a mess. I'm so tired of working 2 jobs and it isn't even making a difference in my bills. Does that make any sense? In fact I'm worse off working 2 jobs because I ended up charging the gas that gets me back and forth to work to credit cards because i couldn't afford to pay for it. So I'm worse off now than i was before. I can't even afford to pay some of my bills and that is working 2 jobs. I don't know. I just don't know anymore. I'm just sick of everything. I'm tired of the migraines, feeling like crap, feet hurting, missing things with friends and family, and the crying. I know this isn't a happy post but i guess i'm using it to get my feelings out. Maybe it will help, at this point, how can it hurt? I've always been told that it helps to talk about the things that are bothering you. (although i'm still crying so i'm not sure) I just don't know anymore. :( Maybe the next post will be a happier one

so with that last post i've decided to post some new year's resolutions.

1. Lose weight-eat healthier, drink more water, exercise
2. Quit working 2 jobs
3. Get out of debt-with that I need to decide what to do with my financial situation
4. Spend more time with friends and family 
5. Look for a job/career that will use my degree
6. Be happy
7. Find myself (since i'm lost)
8. Enjoy life more-read books, watch movies, etc.

I'm sure there is more but I can't think of them right now. I figure if i can make even a few things happen, then i'm headed in the right direction.

Hello! I'm new to this whole blogging idea. It looks like fun and looks like it could help too. I've decided to go with Lostin2007. It is true, although i have been lost for a few years now. By Lost i mean, i have no idea what i want to do. I went to school and graduated with a degree but i have no idea what i want to do with it. You would think by now i would have some idea. I don't know what i want or where i want to be or what would make me happy. I'm just lost. I'm hoping that in 2007, I will figure out a few things. I've decided that 2007 needs to be the year where i put myself first for a change.